Last night as I was going to bed, I was thinking of what the concept of safety means to me. We are going with emotional safety, in particular, just to clarify. Maybe it is a little different than most people's idea, but whatever.
There are few people in my life that I consider "safe" people.
Allow me to explain. A "safe" person is somebody that I feel like it is alright to be real with. I can be angry and frustrated, at them or the world at large, and that they are going to be ok with that. I can be stupid and make lame jokes, and that's ok too. I can be silent, and nobody's missing the noise. Honestly, I think all anybody's really looking for is safe people because when you've got safe people, you can be fully known and feel good about it. I just put a name to it.
One of the hard things about finding safe people is wanting to be safe so badly that I convince myself that unsafe people are safe. By unsafe people, I'm not talking about creepers or perverts. I mean close friends that I think should be safe. Whenever I make myself vulnerable to them, bad things happen. It is damaging to our friendship for me to express emotions. Something is wrong with that, yet I still value the friendship too much to do anything about it.
So I just keep looking.
It is weird how sometimes you can meet someone and be safe immediately, and sometimes even after years of being friends there's some unsafe blockage.
Once you find a safe person or two, appreciate them. They are hard to come by. I'm 20 years old, and I've only got a few. I choose to be grateful for those few. It is much better than none.
